My brother tells me stories of how I would go to the arcade with him and watch him play video games while I munched on dried shrimp snacks and I think my love for the game must have started there.

In the age of Arcades there wasn’t enough quarters to satisfy my thirst for games, and while there were many that I would play like Street Fighter or Galaga, but then I encountered House of the Dead.

Did it have a wide range of characters and amazing combos you could perform to smack your enemies into submission? No, stupid it’s a rail shooter with two badly voiced main characters and terrible plot that spawned multiple, equally bad sequels.

But it was my terrible game!

Even though the voice acting sucked and the plot was as attractive as an elephant in tights I enjoyed every minute of the game and found myself spending more time at that machine than any of the others. Despite everything it was still a fun game to play! So with all the new zombie games out there does House of the Dead still hold up, will I still waste my money on it rather than ZombiU?

The idea of zombies has been used to death already (Eh, eh get it?!… Well I thought it was funny) and every time I see a new movie, video game and even book using the idea because they know the consumer will eat it up like brains (eh get it consumers=zombies… Okay I’ll stop…) I get pissed off.

So when I put the quarter into House of the Dead or start up House of the Dead 2 ( on the Dreamcast, because fuck the Wii) and I hear those sweet words “Nobody leaves here alive!” or “Suffer like G did!” then the anger recedes because I simply can’t take zombies serious after that.

Gotta shoot the zombies off the car before it smashes into the wall and becomes a Jill sandwich….. I might be getting my bad voice acting confused…

Thankfully the producers of House of the Dead: Overkill realized that the players didn’t take the game seriously and created the campiest of all the House of the Deads in the style of the old pulp comics for the Wii (dammit Wii, why you have game I want to play and make me buy you?!?!)

Most expensive paper weight I ever bought

Seriously though, if you’re tired of all the zombie b.s. go play House of the Dead. I recommend 1, 2, or Overkill, there is a story throughout all the games but it’s not really important and Overkill is a prequel so it doesn’t matter. If you can find The Typing of the Dead though you get it because that is  some awesomesause right there, man.

Look at that, it’s a goddamned educational game too!

-Karinacus, who misses the age of Arcades but at the same time likes having quarters for laundry

P.S. Don’t get me wrong, I love a lot of arcade games like Marvel vs. Capcom, Street Fighter, or Galaga, but those can be easily bought for console. I can never find House of the Dead 1 so when I find the machine I pump some quarters into that sucker.

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2 responses »

  1. captainlazy says:

    DUDE what are you saying elephants in tights is the sexiest.

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